There's this example that some people with illnesses use to explain their lives. While I don't really like the drama of it all, I have to admit that I've used the "spoon theory" a handful of times to describe my days. Imagine you wake up with 30 spoons each day-think of them as energy points (and no, I don't know why spoons were chosen either). Each task takes away a certain number of spoons. Perhaps your shower takes a spoon, making an extravagant breakfast takes 2, and going to the gym takes 7. After that, you still have 20 spoons to spare for the day! Hopefully, you get the concept.
For me, however, I'm in a constant state of spoon rationing. I wake up pretty low on them. Things that cost you a spoon might cost me 5. I won't throw a pity party by going into detail about the exhaustion of this disease, but I will describe what these silly spoons have taught me.
1. Sometimes you need to spend the spoons anyway.
Life can get really scary when you start to measure it. There were a few months in my early illness when I did very little because I was terrified to set something off or make my health worse. Those were valid fears, but they were defining my world. I eventually realized life was going to be hard either way. I could spend the energy and pay for it later, or I could spend the day regretting the joy I didn't allow myself to experience.
Recently, when my sister got married, I was so hesitant to dance at the reception. I was thinking about the next day and how much I would pay for going into "spoon debt." But it was my sister's wedding-it mattered. Unsurprisingly, I ran a fever for about a week post-wedding, but what a reminder of the beautiful night I got to share with people I love! In a few months, I doubt I'll remember which joint bothered me most or how long the headache lasted. I'll remember dancing with my sister on the best night of her entire life. To me, that will always be worth it.
2. God doesn't run on spoons.
Humanity is groaning. We are tired. People are sick, and the world feels so bleak sometimes. However, and that's a big however, God holds me when I can't hold myself. There are some nights when I just ask Him to be my strength, to keep going when I can't. He always does, and I know He always will. I don't have to be strong when He is my strength.
God is never too tired to hear His children, nor is He too busy to be a comfort. Matthew 7:9-11 says, “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" He is the Good Father, and He will comfort you when you ask.
3. On a similar note, He will provide the spoons.
Allow me to give you a brief example of this. I was terrified to help with the Vacation Bible School music team this year at my church alongside one of my best friends. In fact, I considered backing out countless times due to my worsening energy levels and overall status. A single night of VBS is, without a doubt, two whole days' worth of spoons. Had I not felt the Lord pushing me to it, I would have dipped. But I begrudgingly listened, wondering how in the world I was going to make it through each night with enough energy to actually impact any kids at all. At this point, I shouldn't be surprised by the Lord's provision, but I so often am in awe of it.
I relied on Him so heavily that week, praying that He would renew my strength and energy. In a way, that's not what happened. Instead, He renewed my spirit. It felt like my energy was not multiplied, but that the fruit of it was. By the end of the week, I was more grateful and humbled by how I saw Him working in the children with what little I had to offer than I was focused on my own discomfort.
SO WHAT?
What does this look like for you? Maybe you're healthy and living life without wondering how much energy you can spend without hurting. I think the lesson here is less about what you can do and more about what He can do. When you have a loaf of bread, know that God can feed thousands. When your time, energy, words, and prayers don't feel like enough, give anyway.
I believe that's the lesson these spoons have taught me: don't spend your whole life protecting your energy so carefully that you never actually live it. Use what you have, trust God with what you don't, and let Him multiply the little you can offer.
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