“I don’t know how you do it.”
That is a phrase I've heard often over the past year from a handful of friends, and while it’s always meant to be taken as a compliment, I never really know how to respond. In fact, people who have walked through battles way harder than mine have stated that they struggle with an answer to that, too.
This is because, in my opinion, people misunderstand what resilience really is.
Resilience is rarely some brave choice a person makes. Instead, resilience is adaptation– the ability to coexist with whatever cards you’ve been dealt. The most resilient people I’ve ever met spend the least amount of time feeling sorry for themselves, not because their situation is comfortable, but because they are choosing to move forward anyway. Adaptation.
I am not sharing my personal struggle here to compare it to anyone else’s, nor would I ever claim that what I’m facing is somehow a bigger deal than what others experience. Instead, I’m aiming to explain why moving forward is not always some courageous feat, but rather the only path that actually leads somewhere.
When my body hurts or when unpredictable symptoms become frequent, it is wildly tempting to just stop trying to do anything at all. It is uncomfortable to explain limitations, set boundaries, or need some extra time to rest, no matter what, but especially as a 20-year-old. It is undoubtedly "easier," in my case, at least, to wait motionless for something that might make me better instead of frequently being exposed to uncomfortable situations.
So, on the surface, it seems I’m faced with two options: stop or go. However, it doesn’t really work like that. See, this is actually just the illusion of choice. Take the following into consideration:
I won't give harsh statistics here because I don't find that helpful, but note that a heavy majority of those with chronic Lyme experience severe depression and suicidal thoughts. It's a cycle: you don't feel good, so you don't do anything, which makes you more isolated, deconditioned, lonely, and sad. The cycle repeats until you're unable to do much of anything, the disease putting down even deeper roots.
So, the more isolated, undisciplined, and “comfortable” I become, the more ground I give to the mental battle against me. If you give up, you’re surrendering. And isn’t it so much harder to get up after that?
While this is a rather concrete example, isn’t it what everyone is facing at some level? Each time you choose the easier, more comfortable route, you’re essentially making your own struggle that much harder.
So, “how do you do it?” How don’t you? You don't have to be notably resilient. You just have to know that the Lord has not called anyone to give up because there is nothing truly good for us there. The truth is that there is rarely a real choice involved in difficulty. You are given a struggle, and so you move forward.
Sometimes, you don’t really even think about the motion of moving–you just move.
Other times, you ask God to get you through the month.
Then you're asking to get through the day.
You might even have to ask Him to help you through the hour.
Whatever it may be, He will always get you through, and you can be sure that your resilience was never actually because of you.
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