Hot take: If you hate serving the Lord, you're either in the wrong ministry, or you need to seriously change your posture. Furthermore, if you are not capable of being kind to the vulnerable population you're working with, reevaluate.
I'm not good at reminiscing; I don't care to be, either. In fact, though I have pride in my ability to take a joke, nothing creates more tension in my chest than an old picture of me. A chunky perfectionist with some seriously thick glasses and a self-criticism issue doesn't make for the most pleasant memories. Sometimes I joke that there isn't enough money in the world that would make me redo middle or high school and, man, do I mean it.
I won't dwell on the fact that I didn't enjoy those chapters of my life, but I do want to address something that has seriously burdened me recently.
Why does it seem like no one cares about these kids?
See, when I was going through the rough tween and teenage years, I remember trying to hide everything I was struggling with while, at the same time, wishing someone would just see through the facade. I wished someone would see that, under all the performative, annoying perfectionism, I wanted attention, friends, a good body, clear skin, and a hug. Looking back now, I can't imagine I was actually disguising my problems so well that no one noticed. Because, contrary to what I thought then, 14-year-old Evie was not a social genius capable of hiding everything she was dealing with.
So, the question is posed: did no one see, or did no one care?
Now, I am absolutely not throwing myself a pity party here. I'd like to think I have grown into a relatively capable and reasonably well-adjusted member of society who has truly put any teenage angst or bitterness behind me. I don't need anyone to swoop in and apologize for some oversights that may have occurred years ago. However, I think I have an answer to the previous question.
I am 20 years old, and at this point, I am working with different age groups multiple times a week: 3rd-6th grade girls (and boys) at church, infants at church, and (mostly) high school girls for volleyball. Here is a list of things I am seeing in each group:
- 3rd-4th grade girls want someone to take an interest in them. Why is that on your Christmas list? Ooh, can I see that toy you brought? Do you ride the bus to school, and do you like it?
- 5th-6th grade girls want someone to listen to them, remember things about them, and see them as people. How did your math test go? Did you get to go to that softball game? Just let me know if you're going to the restroom, but you don't need to ask for permission. I trust you.
- Varsity volleyball is a bit more complex. Teenagers have never been thought of as simple or direct (I know that well), which means a proper approach can't be one-size-fits-all. I've learned that, for kids who have faced a lot of adversity, sports teach them that they are strong. For some kids, though, this sport is the adversity they've faced, and it teaches them how to be strong. Some girls need encouragement in the smallest things. Others are capable of being gently pushed. Most of the time, it's my job to read who can handle healthy criticism and who will shut down if I try to fix something at that moment.
The common denominator here is not that I have any idea what I'm actually doing. It is that the Lord has placed upon me the burden of caring so much that I try anyway. What I realized in my reflection on my own teen years is that kids and teens do not need perfection: they need somebody to care about them and see them. And that is just not that hard. It's not that hard to not be mean to kids because they are all kids.
That's the thing that's bugging me. Why are so many people so complacent when it comes to caring about kids? If you don't like kids, don't work with them. If you don't care enough about these teens to really see them and love them, why are you involved? No one is blessed by your service if you don't care about what you're doing.
People have different approaches, sure. But being dismissive or indifferent to the vulnerable population you're working with is a different thing entirely. If there is a girl with puffy eyes and an uncharacteristic tiredness in her walk, connect. Evaluate. Love. Care. If one of your athletes is struggling with a concept they're trying their best to get, yelling is absolutely not the go-to. Commend their effort and see how to proceed. When one of your kids in children's ministry seems quieter, make sure you remember to ask her about that spelling bee she told you about last week. Not to fix anything, necessarily, but to show them that someone truly cares about them and that they are not forgotten. You cannot truly serve God's people if you don't care about them.
I understand that working with people gets complicated, but working with children is especially delicate. Because suddenly, as an adult, there should be no space for me to be indifferent or short with the kids I'm working with. My day and my mood, good or bad, should not be something that dictates the way I interact with anyone, but especially children.
Because if I truly love and see a group of kids I'm working with, they should not have to wonder if I love them. They should not have to hope I care. They should not be praying that someone would come along and help them when I am right there, and I deeply hope every kid I work with knows that I truly care about them.
I have no real conclusion here. I just want people to do better. I am so unbelievably burdened by the fact that there are adults letting things slide just because it's more convenient, and that there are kids out there who so desperately need someone to listen, who will never get the chance to know that they are valuable and seen.
VBS Team this Summer
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